Author Archive | Chara

The Cable Guys, They Have Multiplied!

Right this second I have four cable guys milling about in my rose bushes.  They’ve been there for an hour. Anyone who has been around for the past month or so knows about my cable service woes. It works, it doesn’t work, it works, the wind blows, it doesn’t work, etc. Today they’re bringing out […]

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Parenting Books Gone Wrong

Me: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad. But if I buy you Corn Nuts now then, when you’re a teenager and you do whatever awful thing that teenagers do, you’ll be like, ‘It doesn’t matter. Mom will still buy me a car because she bought me Corn Nuts when I was 10.’

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We’re Here On Earth To Fart Around

I stand by this: from slam to revelation is less than one second. I don’t know what happens in the brain during that split second, some sort of self-preservation or survival instinct or something, except that it’s a stupid survival instinct because suddenly you don’t have shelter.

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Sweatpants Will Kill You In The End

It’s important not to have too many sweatpants days in a row because they’re soul crushing. Too much fleece will erode your character and next thing you know, you’re watching the entire fourth season of “Nurse Jackie” at 11 in the morning.

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The Accidental Pornographer

There were about 200 people in the room: 196 men, 4 women. One of the women was Nina. Two of the women worked with Nina. They were older, grand dames of porn. And then there was me. Twenty-five. A research assistant dressed in Gap. I scooched my chair closer to my husband, then boyfriend, and pulled out a notebook, ready to learn.

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Pretending

My kids are probably over-scheduled, as are we by extension. Adulthood is not outrageously difficult. Nor is parenting. Raising kids with the schedules of adults, while maintaining your own adult schedule, gets a little dicey.

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