Hypothermia is my favorite of all hyperboles.
A 37 degree morning where I uses an Ikea plastic plate to scrape the ice off the windshield? That’s hypothermia weather. Halloween night as we race from house to house, stopping only long enough to cross the street? Hypothermia. Getting out of a 90 degree pool on a 100 degree day in the face of a slight breeze? Hypothermia in the making.
So I shouldn’t have been surprised when yesterday, as we sat in the parking lot of the community center after my son’s guitar lesson, waiting for AAA to jump start our car, that my daughter assured me that she was getting hypothermia. In fact, she was deeply hypothermic. Call Daddy, please.
It was chilly, I admit. Sixty-five degrees. Seventy in the car. But I made the character-building decision that we were going to survive it.
My kids are at two different, deeply hilarious ages.
Daughter: Gloom and doom and hypothermia!!!!
Son: Please oh please don’t let me see anybody I know.
I called AAA and they showed up within 20 minutes. Two minutes after that my minivan was humming along. I learned a lot in those two minutes.
1. They uses little boxes to jump your car now so you don’t have to worry about how far jumper cables will stretch.
2. The battery in my minivan is the wrong battery, a Toyota Corolla battery. For the life of me I can’t remember who screwed my by selling me and installing a too-small battery. Whether it’s fair or not, I’m blaming Jiffy Lube. With all their, You need a new air filter crap for every car at every visit, I don’t believe a word they say.
3. I really should learn more about the inner workings of my vehicle so this won’t happen again. Being married does not absolve me of such things.
4. The AAA guy had terrible allergies and liked to chat. Nothing was helping his allergies. Nothing. Not even Zyrtec.
5. Zyrtec is sold behind the counter.
AAA Guy: Because, you know.
Me: Oh. Meth.
AAA Guy: Yeah. Meth.
A conversation about meth was not one I planned on having yesterday, in the parking lot of the community center, standing next to my minivan. But, you know, those things can come up at any time.