Because who wants karaoke tips from a great singer? Those would just be confusing and inferiority complex inducing.
I’ve always been a bad singer. I crossed the line to terrible sometime in middle school while trying out for the school play, that year The Mikado.
We all had to sing a solo. As I stood up there with my bad hair and bad brows and bad LL Bean sweater, mumbling some line or another, my voice cracked. There was audible laughter in the audience. I never sang again.
Actually, that’s a lie. A dramatic statement that draws up visuals of an empty voice withering in the desert, but not entirely true. In fact, recently the kids and I made up a song about our cockatiel which we sing regularly.
We have a little bird whose name is Ella
She might be a girl or she might be a fella
There’s no way to tell if Ella is a fella
And that is the story of Ella Campanella
But that’s beside the point.
I’m not very confident about my singing abilities and, as far as I’m concerned, it’s too late to change that. Protest all you want, voice teachers of the world! I know I could take lessons and change my life, but I’m too busy making salad for the bird.
That said, karaoke is super, super fun and us non-singers should not exclude ourselves.
Here are a few tips for the typically non-singing, reluctant karaoke artist:
- Don’t hold back. Tap your feet to Copacabana. You’re halfway there.
- Don’t be intimidated by the karaoke superstars. You will be. Don’t.
- Don’t pick a song with a long musical interlude. You absolutely do not want to have to sway through a two-minute guitar solo.
- If you’re singing with your significant other, skip I’ve Got You Babe. It’s been done to death, sounds flat under the best of circumstances, and is the karaoke equivalent to making out on a crowded commuter rail.
- Just get up there. The hardest part is getting on stage. Once there, you’ll be dazzled by lights and the microphone. People will cheer for you. You’ll contemplate a life of professional karaoke.
It’s that fun.
Thanks to my Snowmamas for showing me the karaoke light.