Dance Mom

This was my list on Saturday: Tap costume – check Ballet costume – check Brown tights – check Pink tights – check Tap shoes – check Ballet shoes – check Proven ability to switch between the entire tap costume and the entire ballet costume in less than eight minutes – check Including hair – check […]

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June Cleaver Was Right

My memory is spotty, given that the last I really saw her was during reruns 30 years ago, but I suspect she was probably right. She has a bad rap, June Cleaver.  We mocked her.  Her name was the one that came up when we disparaged the prospect of becoming a housewife.  Housewife.  That was […]

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Out. Back Soon.

I’m in the middle of a hiatus, a hiatus that started over a month ago and will continue after this post is published. However, it was unannounced, and therefore broke all of Emily Posts rules on everything, so I’m backtracking, making amends, and sending a virtual rose to anyone who’s ever stopped by. This blog […]

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The Cable Guys, They Have Multiplied!

Right this second I have four cable guys milling about in my rose bushes.  They’ve been there for an hour. Anyone who has been around for the past month or so knows about my cable service woes. It works, it doesn’t work, it works, the wind blows, it doesn’t work, etc. Today they’re bringing out […]

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Parenting Books Gone Wrong

Me: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad. But if I buy you Corn Nuts now then, when you’re a teenager and you do whatever awful thing that teenagers do, you’ll be like, ‘It doesn’t matter. Mom will still buy me a car because she bought me Corn Nuts when I was 10.’

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We’re Here On Earth To Fart Around

I stand by this: from slam to revelation is less than one second. I don’t know what happens in the brain during that split second, some sort of self-preservation or survival instinct or something, except that it’s a stupid survival instinct because suddenly you don’t have shelter.

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Sweatpants Will Kill You In The End

It’s important not to have too many sweatpants days in a row because they’re soul crushing. Too much fleece will erode your character and next thing you know, you’re watching the entire fourth season of “Nurse Jackie” at 11 in the morning.

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The Accidental Pornographer

There were about 200 people in the room: 196 men, 4 women. One of the women was Nina. Two of the women worked with Nina. They were older, grand dames of porn. And then there was me. Twenty-five. A research assistant dressed in Gap. I scooched my chair closer to my husband, then boyfriend, and pulled out a notebook, ready to learn.

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